For my very first blog post, I thought I would write on a question I get *a lot* from people. It is most often asked at the end of an initial assessment session (the first session when you are starting therapy), when I am talking to a client about my first diagnostic impressions. He or she will have told me many things during that session, which more often than not will have included at least one prior event or experience that happened to the client, or that they saw happen to someone else. This event or experience usually is one that is very negative–either scary, or painful (emotionally or physically), or that overwhelmed that client’s ability to cope with the event at the time. Or, it may have been all of these things. The client is often surprised when I share with them that this experience was a trauma, for him or her. They often respond with confusion, or even disbelief, and some have actually said things like, “that doesn’t seem right. I mean, other people have gone through WAY worse things than that…”
What I end up explaining to this client is the following: A ‘trauma’ can be anything that overwhelms your ability to cope with it in the ways you have learned to cope thus far. It does not matter if this event would be traumatizing to anyone else OR if other people are able to cope with this event. That makes NO difference in it being a ‘legitimate trauma’ to you. Furthermore, traumas can occur as single, life-altering experiences (such as surviving a hurricane, fighting in a war, etc) but also can occur as events that are experienced over and over during a period in your life (like with surviving in a domestically violent significant relationship for years, or being regularly verbally abused by a care-taker while growing up, etc.).
Another component involved in whether a person has experienced a trauma is what that experience taught them. Part of what makes an experience traumatizing is the belief we take from that event. If the belief you take from an experience is highly negative, painful, and irrational then we are likely looking at an event that traumatized you. An example of this would be a person who has survived a sexual assault but blames themselves for what happened. What this event “taught” him or her is that the assault was somehow their own fault or deserved. Now logically, they may understand that these thoughts are irrational. However, that does not change what he or she feels to be true.
There are other things that might be going on present-day that can clue-you-in to the possibility that you have been traumatized. The first is avoidance. You may avoid thinking of or talking about the event. You may even find yourself avoiding people, places, situations, and/or things that even just remind you of the event. You feel like you need to avoid those things because when you do recall the event, you likely feel all the same emotions (fear, anger, helplessness, hopelessness, shame, etc) that you felt when the event was actually occurring. Which, leads us to the second present-day indicator–reliving and re experiencing the event. This usually takes the form of extremely vivid and disturbing dreams, nightmares, or even night terrors. You can also relive trauma experiences through flashbacks–more on those in a future post. Third, you may also experience hyper-vigilance. This is best explained by being on super-high alert, even in situations where this is unnecessary. You may find yourself unable to relax in public, or maybe you are anxious if you can’t sit with your back to the wall when in a restaurant. You may find yourself always scanning your environment, trying to spot any signs of danger and always knowing how to exit quickly if necessary. This is not something you can turn-off, no matter how hard you have tried. Finally, another BIG clue that you have experienced a trauma is that you find yourself feeling very strong emotions when you recall it today. This event may have happened a month ago, it may have happened 30 years ago. If it still holds an emotional “punch” to it, it is likely still a trauma.
Science has taught us a great deal about the effect of trauma on the brain. Did you know, for instance, that experiencing trauma actually changes the brain’s very structure? It’s the absolute truth. Furthermore, traumatic memories are not processed in the brain the way that memories are normally processed. There are parts of those memories that are stored in parts of the brain that cannot be accessed by just talking about it, trying to ‘think-it-through,’ or willing yourself to “just get over it.” You may want very much to do that–get over it–but you likely aren’t going to be able to do that without some trauma-based therapy. I will go more into the science behind trauma and the brain in later posts.
So now that you know what ‘trauma’ is, I wonder if you are thinking back to your own life and experiences. Are you checking your current-day feelings and reactions against what you’ve seen here? Don’t be surprised if you realize that you have, indeed, experienced trauma. In truth, most of us have. Also, it may be the case that you’ve experienced trauma but that you may not be traumatized, at present. In fact, I hope that is the case. However, if you are seeing yourself in some of the symptoms I mentioned above, I would ask you to strongly consider talking to a professional. I would be honored to be the one to help you, but if I’m not the one for you, please find someone who is. The truth is, there are ways to actually HEAL your trauma and your mind. Whatever has happened in your life, you deserve the chance to heal. Even if you don’t fully believe that, yourself, at this time, I’m willing to bet that someone in your life DOES believe it. So maybe you will give therapy a shot–you know, as a favor to that person? That’s great with me. Whatever gets your buns in the seat!
Until next time…
Nichole
